There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize