shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
