mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
