Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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