Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Someone shit on the floor
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
