I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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