i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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