She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the liver wants what the liver wants
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize