Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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