the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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