maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
