just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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