you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
