She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
