Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize