i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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