My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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