If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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