Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
