Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
