dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
