So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
