He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
