is your mom at the bar?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
