No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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