I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
