Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize