pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
