i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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