if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
