Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
