I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
