watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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