She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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