if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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