omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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