I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
