These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
