areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
