i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
