you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Damn victory sex feels great
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
