Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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