How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
