Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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