there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
