How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
