There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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