drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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