My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think i got beer on your cat.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
