i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize