Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
