I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
