White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
