dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
