So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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