as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
