Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
