I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I look better un-naked...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Blood and glitter go together right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
