dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
