Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize