Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
