I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
