you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
