I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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