He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
