okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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