It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
