My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
