I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
