Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
