you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
