I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
