The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
