I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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