God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
