So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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