walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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