U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
