dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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