If that was your dad, he is hot
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
