I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
