You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
