i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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