i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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