Screwed.edu
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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