After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
