a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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