Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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