I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
