i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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