Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
