By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize