if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
