she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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