Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
