I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
