Ketchup is God's man juice
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
