I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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